"On Your Block," Installment #5: An Interview with Gus Norris

by Eric Crow


Note: In addition to being a snark-free zone, New Horizons is also a "judgment free zone." We don't know the lives other people lead and they don't know the lives we lead. All we are called to do as readers is listen, learn and understand.

For this installment of "On Your Block," I sat down for an intimate conversation with LALC Chairman, Gus Norris. We got right down to business: 

NH: Let's talk about kinky Gus. When did you first discover your kinky side?

Gus: When I was 11, I discovered a stash of toys and catalogues hidden inside a kids suitcase. My parents didn’t try very hard to hide their things, and I basically thought it was mine to open. Also, I got educated by looking through the Adam & Eve catalogue. I found myself most drawn to the Leather Daddy image. 

NH: What was it about that image?

Gus: I can't put my finger on it, it just resonated with me. These kinds of images speak for themselves, so all I needed to do was acknowledge it. I grew up in Baltimore, and there were not many outlets to explore—no Tom of Finland, no Mapelthorpe. For a while in grade school, I fooled around with a boy up the street. What I remember most about playing with him was that it felt like we were in a different world, somehow not real but super-real at the same time. It was the first time I could be myself.

NH: Where did your experimentation take you from there?

Gus: High school was quiet. I prayed not to be gay. I went with a friend to a dance club in Washington DC,  but in college, I dated women. In the beginnings of the internet, I discovered porn, and was able to acknowledge my sexuality in a private moment, but I wasn’t ready to embrace it and be out in public. 

After college, I met my (now) ex-wife. We had a loving relationship and a great sex life, there was nothing missing or wrong there, but outside of the bedroom, the stress of money issues and having children started to get to us, especially after the second child. We were both cheating on each other, and we eventually separated for three months. That’s when I started dating men in earnest. 

NH: And so there came a time when it all come to a head? 

Gus: At that time, we both had the exact same kind of phone, and one time she picked up my phone thinking it was hers and saw images and text. She confronted me, and that's when it all came out. I think it all came out the way it needed to. By then, the marriage was basically over but nobody was at fault (because we were both at fault). She was gracious and accepted it, and to this day we still have a good friendship. 

I first met Gus at a pre-party for LA Lthr Pride 2013 called Probed, a retro dance/dress code night held at Pistons. Now the Eagle 562, the place where Pistons stood is one of the oldest bar spots in LGBTQ history, having been open in some shape or form for over 50 years. Gus was Mr. Pistons Leather 2013 then, but like many local to the area, Pistons was a place for him to explore his sexuality freely.

Gus: I walked into Pistons right after I came out to my wife. I left the house and drove to the Crypt in Long Beach for a quick purchase, and then drove straight to Pistons (when there wasn't a parking lot). My heart was in my throat. I didn't want anyone to see me. I practically ran inside, and it immediately felt like coming home. At first, I went on off nights, when it was not as intimidating; that way, I could get my feet wet and get the lay of the land. That first time, I got a drink and sat in the corner, people watching. A sexy guy came up (description) and started chatting with me. He invited me out to the patio and, well…a whole new world opened up for me from there.

Gus flags navy and light blue and gray on the left; on the right, he flags red, light pink and dark pink. He is also a sounding top who is into electro and breath control. Like countless others, exploration into these newly revealed desires stems directly from the confidence that these second homes provides. So for Gus, learning that Pistons wasn't part of the equation anathema.

Gus: When I was Mr. Pistons Leather, the reigning attitude was that Pistons was not core to the LA/LALC community. The same thing was implied about a few other LAL feeder contest orgs. In my time as LALC Chairman, I have tried to embrace inclusivity; in many parts of the Leather world, it's a no-brainer that men and women belong in the community and are part of the community; yet in Los Angeles, as forward as we are supposed to be, it doesn't pan out in practice. That said, I have seen a sea change towards diversity and inclusion, and there are places where things shine like I think they should. 

I think my desire for inclusion also stems from wanting to be my full self in Leather, which includes being a parent who happens to be into Leather. (A major component of the scene involves Daddy-boy/Mommy-son role-play). Lastely, my desire to lift up women stems from raising a daughter. Should she also grow up to realize she’s, what kind of community would I want her to find?

The Mr. Los Angeles Leather contest consists of "feeder contests" that lead up to the big contest at the end of March. They are known as the "LA Ten," but there are also some years with eleven contestants and others with as few as seven. This year's class has eight. 

Gus: In the past, the title has gone to contestants who represent a certain stereotype, but this year, there was a shift in the energy, with the top three being Pup Yoshi (Mr. Eagle562 Leather); Spike Jauregui (Mr. Precinct Leather), and Ben Johnson (Mr. LA Leatherbear), who went on to be named Mr. LA Leather. 

Competing for Mr. Los Angeles Leather in 2013 was a singular experience that informed many of my actions in the community from then on. I have tried to use my involvement in LA Leather Pride to improve the experiences of the people running and how the events build and sustain the community for all of us.

As LALC chair and a former officer in Los Angeles Band of Brothers, effective Leather Leadership is something that has occupied significant amounts of Gus’ time. 

Gus: It's good to be in a position to open doors for others and welcome them in to a community that is supportive and expansive. Sadly, there are many in the community who don't want that ten expanded; however, diversity adds to our strength and doesn't take away from our culture. Once I became aware of my (cis white male) privilege, I decided to spend my privilege to help those who don't have it, so they can take their place at the table.

We capped off the interview by talking about being out.

NH: Is there any place where you're not out?

Gus: At work, I’m not out to everyone. It’s not that I’m not out, but I’m not in people’s faces about it. I am out to the individuals I’m closer to (at work), but I'm not going to throw my husband into conversations with random, new people. Still, I know if I brought it up, it would not be an issue. I've even run into a co-worker at 562 (Eagle). It’s basically not relevant to work we're doing. Some people invest their sexuality at work, but I don’t invest that way.

NH: Tell us about your wedding.

Gus: Overall, the wedding was impressive for being unimpressive. There was nothing dramatic, nothing out of the ordinary, it was just families coming together celebrating love and having a good time. Nobody even flinched at the fact that it was a gay wedding. I was more worried about my family than Zac’s family. I’m out to my family but the focus has not been on discussions about identity. They live far away and I don't interact with them all that much to begin with. I was worried they would be uncomfortable, but I couldn't have asked for a better outcome. They were all amazingly supportive, and the only stressors were the typical stressors, such as competition between family over the grandkids but everybody was on their best behavior. This is always a concern when blending families, but everybody just got along and had a great time. Zac and I were able to enjoy each other (at our own reception). Basically, we agreed on everything. It speaks to how our relationship functions. There’s a good give and take, and the things I care about, he is cool with, but that’s how we’ve always worked. 

NH: When Prince was interviewed by Oprah, he said about his spouse, Mayte, “She makes it easier to talk to God.” Is your relationship to Zac the same way?

Gus: It’s hard to put into words. All my worries disappear. I know it's all just gonna work out, no matter what, because we will work together. I found someone who fits every curve of the puzzle. There’s no part of my life that Zac doesn't compliment. I think we're good at allowing each other to be who they are, and we’re still discovering each other, I know I can take risks because he's there to back me up, and I'm thrilled to push him to do what he wants. He encourages me to be all that I am, never static, always moving, ever changing, in flux. I know he’s not gonna let me fail.”

NH: How did you tell your children?

Gus: At the time, Liam was 5 and Hope was 3 and a half. They would come to visit me at my home in Long Beach, and when Zac came to visit, they asked where he would stay. I told them, “We share a bed.” 

“Like friends?” they asked.

“A little bit more. Like how Mommy and her new husband share a bed.”

They thought about the situation for a second and said, “Okay.” They just accepted it. They don’t know or remember anything else, so they never made any big deal of it. It’s just a part of their life, and I love seeing them transmit this to their friends. Hope is proud of her 3 dads, and when she tells a story, she calls us “Dad 1,” “Dad 2” and “Dad 3.”

When Liam was in 6th grade, he had to do a persuasive speech for citizenship class, and his choice of topic was on gay marriage. He chose this without being prompted—it was the topic he wanted to cover. His teacher was impressed he chose a current topic, and all his friends are cool with it. That's the one thing you worry about, not from the kids but the adults.

NH (Editor's Note): So there you have it, folks. As the saying goes, "the kids are alright," but I think it needs to be stated explicitly--the kids are alright the the parents MAKE them alright. Gus is a treasured member of every family he belongs to, and I think many of us could not imagine the Leather community without him in the picture. Thank you for all your good energy and hard work. 

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Photo credits: a) Light painting: Boots Bryant; b) harness and formal leather pics: Jay Lawton; c) Long Beach Pride float: Eric Crow; d) "Casino Boyale" poster: Koby Bennett;  

e) Wedding picture: Lisa & Tanna Wellot. 

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