Innerview With a Bear, pt. 2 - by Liam Troy and Eric Crow

This is the second part of the innerview that Liam did with me a couple weeks ago. The words that follow have even more resonance than when I first answered them. 

     What inspired you to become a bigger part of this community?

    I started going to more Bear events (den parties and dinner nights), but the Leather side was more latent, mostly relegated to sex (that would change), while being a Bear spoke more to both my physical side andpersonality. I have always identified as a Leatherbear, because I came into both communities within six months of each other. Bears San Diego was having their New Years party, this year at the club President's house. That night changed my life, because I met the man who would collar me and who I would call Daddy, but I'll save the details of that for a later next interview. Over the next year, through his mentorship, I became a member-at-large in Bears San Diego and then Vice President of San Diego League of Gentlemen (their first elected officer in club history). I attended a number of title contests in California and Nevada, went to my first Dore Alley, and then competed for Mr. Bear San Diego, placing first runner up. I was told that if the club had kept the Cub title, I would have won. Early the following year, the current Mr. Bear resigned, siting various issues, leaving me with the golden opportunity to be the one who steps in if the winner cannot fulfill his obligation, and after a brief discussion with the Board, I was welcomed as Mr. San Diego Bears 2003, given my own year, medallion and title vest, to make for a fresh start. The person who was my first Daddy Bear became my title Daddy, and I was glad to be part of the Mr. Bear legacy, and at the time, the youngest Mr. Bear in the club's history. 

    Why was Cubs of California created before and why have you decided to bring it back?

    Cubs Club of California was originally created in summer of 2003, while I was Mr. Bear. I'd been reading from Les Wright's “Bear Book II” about the formation of clubs in various parts of the country, which started happening in the late 80s/early 90s. It dawned on me that the Bear community was still and would still be telling our story for a long time; thus, Cubs Club of California was born. I was also dealing with one of those “difficult people” that HR makes you take workshops on to learn how to deal with, and I wanted a space where everyone who joined and expressed an interest could and would be heard. It started out as a space on YahooGroups, and in less than two years, we became a full-fledged club, complete with membership, events across the state, a quarterly newsletter called “The Snuggler” and a bear-run weekend called “Snugglefest,” where people competed for the titles California Cub and California Grizzly. There was a turnaround with these titles, because usually it was the older Bear types that would do the work while the Cubs were still in the pool having fun and being cute. However, in this case, California Cub does the heavy lifting while the Grizzly stands at his side, being sidekick and helpmate.

    All this said, there was not enough understanding in the community for what Cubs Club wanted to do. I always wanted Cubs Club to be a communal space in all facets, including Snugglefest, without regard to gender/gender identity. Imagine being a female-identified Bear and not being able to take full advantage of all the benefits as their male-identified counterparts. Cubs Club was meant to be a space for everyone to come out and play, but there were elements behind the scenes working against that. When discovered, those elements were promptly removed, but it was too late. Also, the club planted its proverbial flag in many places, but there simply was not enough pawpower to keep it alive and thriving. Fast forward to this year and part of last year, along with the now mainstay of the pup/pet play community, and there is now a new path forward to bring the club back and breathe new life into it. Bears love Pets and vice versa, and the club will be home to both, without regard to how a person presents themselves. Cubs Club of California today is mostly about celebrating the animal spirit inside each of us.

    What would you like to see from the newest generation with regard to this community, and how would you like to aid in its success?

    I would like to see us carry forward traditions that we are all comfortable with in this day and time. I want the community to feel like it does at a weekend beer bust, this time with more reverence for those who don't identity or present as homomasculine. There is so much to learn from each other, and to cast something aside because you don't identify with it is to cheat yourself out of new experiences. 

    I would like to see this generation keep up with the mainstream, bringing everyone along (and occasionally dragging them into the present moment. What's special about this or any other gay community sub-culture is that we made it all up for ourselves, meaning that we created this space for ourselves to exist in and be happy, but this is not a static space, it's a dynamic space, an ever-living, ever-loving, ever-breathing space that should always strive to expand and change shape according to the needs of all who call the proverbial forest home.

    I also want to have the next and subsequent generations to continue to embrace the tongue-in-cheek nature of what it means to be part of the community; to have all the fun you can in the space, to feel as sexy and sexual as you need to be, but not at the expense of having a sense of humor and whimsy along the way. Bears are goofballs and mascots for the greater “non-vanilla” gay community. We pun everything except heralds because they can't (literally, look it up). “Woof” is our version of “aloha.” It's very Smurfy, too, and we say things like “HAIRrison”, “every-bear,” “husCub” or “otterly amazing.” That's just who we are: corny and campy and playful and we love to laugh and live and love, ready for a wink-nudge moment in a second. Bears mastered the Dad joke years before they were called that.

    Who belongs in the Bear Community? 

    The answer to the question of who belongs here is the same now as it was when I first read it in Ray Lynch's “The Bear Handbook” (the one with the plaid cover), at the end of The Bear Questionnaire, but it has orders of magnitude greater gravitas. Simply put, Ray's words were “If you say you are a Bear, then you ARE a Bear.” The chance to fulfill on this philosophy is especially rife today. As mentioned earlier in the interview, we've got Jack Radcliffe and Buster and Joe Falcone as default icons, and we've got Harry Lit and Mark Katzenberger (RIP) as default leaders, but now we've got to make space for today's icons, people like Daddie Danger and Nikki Wireman. We've also got to keep making room for trans Cubs, non-binary Cubs and drag Cubs, as well as Cubs with painted nails and wear heels but don't do drag, and we need to do so with open minds and open hearts. We've got make room for people who don't present the way we do, point blank period. For me, being a Bear is partly about the outward appearance and inward traits, but now more than ever, it's true as ever that it's also a state of mind and a state of Being, and those two facets defy physical description. I got the chance to be on the judge's panel and hear Daddie Danger's journey towards realizing she is a Bear, and I heard myself and my own journey in hers. The particulars of the moment of realization were different, but all paths lead to Rome. To adapt my motto, “Everybear is a story worth telling. And I do mean everybear.

©2023 Eric Crow and Liam Troy